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Butt crack problem in Riverton? Try this new ordinance on for size

Sep 28, 2012 - Gloria J. Zak, Seattle

Editor:

Recently we read an article in your paper regarding a "butt crack" issue in a local restaurant. One of our employees had an issue a couple of years back regarding distasteful butt cracks. A municipal attorney in my office helped to deal with this by drafting the attached ordinance.

We thought maybe Riverton could benefit from its content.

All in good fun -- but nonetheless, an issue that needs attention.

ORDINANCE NO.__________

AN ORDINANCE OF THE CITY OF RIVERTON, WYOMING, PROHIBITING ACTIVITIES COMMONLY KNOWN AS MOONING, CRACKING, OR OTHERWISE EXPOSING THE CHEEKS OR CRACK OF THE HUMAN BUTTOCKS, PRESCRIBING PENALTIES AND ESTABLISHING AN EFFECTIVE DATE.

WHEREAS, Riverton is a civilized community in which there should be no display of the cheeks or crack of the human buttocks upon pain of fine and imprisonment,

NOW, THEREFORE, THE CITY COUNCIL OF THE CITY OF RIVERTON, WYOMING DO ORDAIN AS FOLLOWS:

Section 1. E Exposure Prohibited. A new Chapter 9.88 is hereby added to the Riverton Municipal Code to read as follows:

DISPLAYING THE HUMAN BUTTOCKS

9.88.010 Definitions

9.88.020 Mooning in the First Degree

9.88.030 Mooning in the Second Degree

9.88.040 Mooning in the Third Degree - Cracking

9.88.050 Moon Free Zone

9.88.060 Limitations.

9.88.010 Definitions.

As used in this chapter, the following terms have the meanings set forth below:

A. "Mooning" means the intentional display of the uncovered human buttocks by the human of which the buttocks is a part, to a human of which the aforementioned buttocks is not a part, and who has not consented to the aforementioned buttocks display. "Mooning" includes the full moon, the half moon, and the quarter moon (also known as "cracking") as further defined below.

B. "The Full Moon" means the display of the entire uncovered human buttocks, i.e., the gluteus mui maximus, inclusive of both cheeks, from the belt to the bottom of the butt.

C. "The Half Moon" means the display of approximately half of the Full Moon, whether vertically or horizontally, whether from the belt to half the butt or with one cheek only.

D. "The Quarter Moon" also known as "Cracking" or' "the Crescent Moon" means the display of the uncovered crack between the buttocks by means of wearing saggy butt stretch pants or jeans or any other apparel which, upon bending over, exposes the butt crack.

9.88.020 Mooning in the First Degree. A person is guilty of mooning in the first degree if he or she displays the full moon to another person through any window, including that of any moving vehicle. Mooning in the first degree is a gross (and we mean gross!!) misdemeanor, punishable by a fine in an amount not to exceed $5,000 or imprisonment for a term not to exceed one year, or by both such fine and imprisonment.

9.88.030 Mooning in the Second Degree.

A.A person is guilty of mooning in the second degree if he or she:

1. Displays the full moon to another under any circumstances not constituting mooning in the first degree; or

2. Displays the half moon to another under any circumstances.

B. Mooning in the second degree is a misdemeanor, punishable by a fine in an amount not to exceed $500 or by imprisonment for a term not to exceed ninety days, or by both such fine and imprisonment. Mooning in the second degree is a lesser included offense of mooning in the first degree.

9.88.040 Mooning in the Third Degree. A person is guilty of mooning in the third degree if he or she displays the quarter moon to another, i.e., if he or she engages in cracking under any circumstances. Mooning in the third degree is a civil infraction punishable by a monetary penalty in an amount not to exceed $1,000. Mooning in the third degree is a lesser included offense of mooning in the second degree.

9.88.050 Moon Free Zone. The restaurants in Riverton, Wyoming, are hereby declared to be a "moon free zone." The penalty for any person convicted of mooning in the first, second or third degree in Riverton shall be double that provided in this chapter.

9.88.060 Limitations. This chapter shall apply to the human buttocks only, and nothing herein shall be construed as prohibiting the display of other buttocks, such as the cat buttocks, the cow buttocks, or the ever popular dog buttocks. This chapter shall also not be construed as prohibiting the display of the little human baby buttocks, i.e., the buttocks of any child under the age of three.

Section 2. Severability If any section, sentence, clause or phrase of this ordinance should be held to be invalid or unconstitutional by a court of competent jurisdiction, such invalidity or unconstitutionality shall not affect the validity or constitutionality of any other section, sentence, clause or phrase of this ordinance.

Section 3. Effective Date. This ordinance shall take effect and be in full force five days after its passage and publication as required by law.

MAYOR, CITY OF RIVERTON

ATTEST/AUTHENTICATED:

CITY CLERK

APPROVED AS TO FORM: OFFICE OF THE CITY ATTORNEY

Again -- all in good fun.

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